i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
