why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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