you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
