singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
