I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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