there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
