hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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