she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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