Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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