I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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