Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
