I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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