Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
