the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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