I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
