he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
