i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
