i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
