can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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