you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
