I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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