it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
