Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
