when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
