im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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