it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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