I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
