so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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