Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
from now on my penis is your penis
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my nose is crying tears of wow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
