Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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