just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
