oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
