hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm like, not good at living.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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