I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
