I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
