Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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