So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
