I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
