I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
