Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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