ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
