The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
