you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
