sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
