Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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