so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
