Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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