I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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