some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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