I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
