Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
